Almost Lover
by shoujo-goddess
Summary: A song fic about endings and beginnings


_Your fingertip across my skin_

_The palm trees swaying in the wind, images_

Lovino shivered as a warm breeze ghosted across his bare stomach, Antonio's green eyes beaming down into his honey ones. He gulped as Antonio's long tan fingers rubbed across his palms.

The beach was deserted, save for the two. The rustling of the palm trees above their heads seemed to distract Antonio as he leaned down, closer to Lovino. Eyes half open, lips slightly pursed. He pulled away at the last moment when Lovino had closed his eyes. Prepared for whatever type of kiss was most likely coming.

_You sang me Spanish lullabies_

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick_

"What's the matter?" Lovino looked up at the Spaniard concern lacing his features.

"It's nothing Lovi. Don't worry about it." His green eyes smiled yet were so sad and distant.

Lovino gulped, years later he'd look back on it and realize that's when something changed and shifted in their relationship.

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

Two weeks after their initial beach trip, and they were shouting at each other. Lovino had no idea what for, just that something had happened. Something terrible, at least something small that seemed like nothing now.

As Antonio began shouting and going off on a tangent about Lovino or something. He looks out his apartment window to the moon, glittering seductively on the water. He listened to the sounds of the water, the music drifting in through the window from the apartment below. Anything but the hurtful words that Antonio was flinging at him.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

Antonio hadn't called him after their fight. He'd ended up storming out without Lovino noticing. When he heard the door slam Lovino looked up, contemplated running after him. Instead he let his stubbornness get the better of him. He stayed where he was, staring out the window at the beautifully peaceful moon.

It had been two days, and Lovino was desperately worried. Worried about their relationship, what was happening between them. He didn't know, Antonio had been shamelessly flirting with him for years now. Now they weren't quite friends, but weren't quite lovers either.

Lovino held his cellphone to his ear, listened to it ring two times. Before hearing the voicemail, Lovino breathed in deeply. Antonio had never let him go to voicemail. Not even if he was in a movie.

"…_leave a message after the beep!_*beep*" a short pause to breathe, then Lovino began.

"Listen Antonio it's me. I want to talk, I want to see you. I don't want that fight to be our last conversation. Please call me back. Okay?" he hung up his phone after leaving his message, staring at it for a moment as if to collect himself. He'd gone to voicemail after two rings, something was definetly different. Something had shifted.

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

Antonio had finally called him back, Lovino was in the apartment's small kitchen fixing his dinner. At first he was going to let it go to voice mail. Until he saw the caller ID.

"Hello?" a gulp from the other end before Antonio began speaking through a crackling reception.

"_Lovino,"_ something was definetly wrong. Antonio never called him Lovino. Not even when he was mad at him, _"I need to talk to you. I don't want it to be over the phone. Can we meet somewhere? Like for coffee or something?"_

"O-okay. How about tomorrow at Café Luna?" he didn't want to sound nervous, but his mind betrayed him. It often did when it came to Antonio.

"_Sounds great! I can meet you…say about six-ish?"_ the Spanish voice sounded relieved, almost as if an enormous weight had been lifted by Lovino agreeing to see him tomorrow at their favorite café. He decided to take this as a good sign, rather than the bad sign it most likely was.

When the line went dead from Antonio hanging up, Lovino stared at his phone. He hadn't even said goodbye, Antonio always said goodbye when done talking to someone on the phone.

Lovino looked over at his already cooked pasta, suddenly he wasn't hungry for the rich sauce and thick noodles. In fact it seemed his entire appetite had been ruined by one unnerving phone call from Antonio.

_We walked along a crowded street_

_You took my hand and danced with me in the shade_

_And when you kissed my lips_

_You told me you would never ever forget these images, no_

The air was especially cold that morning. It nipped at Lovino's nose, it made him sniffly. The cold made him yearn for summer.

More precisely it made him yearn for a certain Spaniard.

_Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

When Antonio finally showed up at the café it was half past the time they'd agreed to meet. He looked nervous, and more than anything disinterested in Lovino.

"Hey."

"Hey, how've you been?"

"Good"

"Why'd you call me out here?"

"Because… why don't we sit down and have some coffee?" Antonio looked him with a sad smile, and Lovino could do nothing but oblige him.

Inside the café they sat down at a table at the back. It was dark, and very private there. They ordered their coffees and drank in silence. Neither dared to speak, in fear of what the other would say.

Lovino had at least a dozen, no, a million different apologies rehearsed in his head. Yet his tongue was heavy, and he couldn't talk. He just stared at Antonio, stared at the man whom he'd given his heart without knowing it at first.

Finally after three cups of coffee, and a long silence, Antonio spoke. His hands moved about and he was jittery from the caffeine.

"Lovino… I'm… I want you to know that I love you very much. That I don't regret a single day we spent together," Antonio paused and looked over at Lovino as if searching for approval to continue.

"Yeah." His tongue was heavy he couldn't talk, this sounded like a conversation he didn't want to be a part of. Especially not with Antonio.

"Well, I don't regret any of it. So I thought it only fair for you to know…"

"Know what?"

"It's only fair for you to know… that… I'm getting married."

"What."

_Good bye my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

"Yeah, I'm getting married. To this great girl, she's really nice. We've been betrothed since we were kids. This day was kinda unavoidable." He stared at Lovino with a sheepish grin. He smiled at Lovino as Lovino's world fell apart around him.

"I love you"

"And I love you too Lovino"

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

"I love you, and you love me too?"

"Yeah."

"Than if you love me so much; call of the fucking wedding." Lovino was shaking, he needed to shout. He wanted to shout, but his traitorous tongue wouldn't let him.

"Lovino I can't. We've been engaged since we were kids. Besides our grandfathers decided this for us, and we're both willing to go through with it."

"Do you love her?"

"Not right now, but I will. Eventually." Lovino did not wait to hear more. He left the café as quickly as possible. He ran from Antonio, he ran from the café, he ran from the conversation, and from the problem that caused it.

He ran from himself.

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot try the streets at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

It had been two months since that disastrous conversation. Two months and five days. Two months and five days since Lovino cried himself to sleep for three weeks. Two months and five days since Antonio had told him he was getting married.

Lovino was passing by the chapel. When suddenly the bells were rung signaling that a new couple had been joined in matrimony. He paused long enough to see the people rush out behind the couple.

Lovino drew in a deep breath, and stopped completely. There was Antonio in a tux, smiling his brightest smile. There was Antonio in a tux with a gold band on his finger. There he was smiling and laughing, and holding the hand of a gorgeous woman. Most of all, there was Antonio happier without Lovino.

As Antonio went around the waiting limo to get in he suddenly noticed the Italian man. He stared for only a half second before turning away, and getting into the limo. To be with his wife.

That night was the first night Lovino visited the gay bar, it was also the first night he had a one night stand. He didn't remember much in the morning. Only that the guy spoke with a British lilt to his Italian, and his eyes were green. Green like Antonio's were.

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy to walk_

_Right in and out of my life?_

All of the men following have something similar to Antonio. He keeps thinking about the Spaniard, until after two years. When his eyes are opened by his little sister.

She'd been in to check in on him, and to take care of him. That had been at least three months before. Finally she breaks down and shouts at Lovino for the last time.

"Antonio left. So what?! He left two years ago, and you're still moping! Can't take this mio fratello! I'm going home tomorrow!" she slammed the door, and was gone by morning.

This scolding was all it took, and that was pathetic. It was more pathetic, however, that he'd been missing Antonio for two whole years now. So the next night he went out, looking for a new one night stand. Only this time, they had nothing in common in terms of looks to Antonio.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Why can't you let me be?_

Alfred is kind, and he combs through Lovino's hair. He whispers sweet nothings to him during sex and cuddling. He makes Lovino smile, and his chest tighten. Alfred has sky blue eyes, his hair is a wheat color, and he hosts a slight tan from the Italian sun.

Alfred is all this, and Lovino is scared to admit he loves him.

He knows Alfred loves him too. It's in the way Lovino catches him staring when he isn't supposed to. It's in the way Alfred holds him after sex. The evidence of Alfred loving him is peppered through dozens of small actions. That is something that scares Lovino more than anything. They're together a full two years before Lovino says anything. Over the course of it, Alfred had told Lovino he loved him many times. Even though Alfred knew Lovino couldn't return the words, not just yet.

Lovino is strolling through the city streets. Alfred is getting some kind of special dinner ready, but Lovino knows he's just going to order a pizza from their favorite place. Then Lovino's going to come home and pretend he didn't know already. Then they'll watch a movie, which will dissolve into a popcorn fight. Or a cuddle fest. The most likely answer was it'd dissolve into sex.

The shopping district looks inviting, so Lovino decides to stroll through.

He passes a fruit vendor, and butcher shop when he sees them. There walking down the street with a little boy swinging between their arms. There is Antonio and his wife. He looks older, and he certainly has a few wrinkles beginning to form. Yet he's smiling at the boy, with all the love a father can give their child.

His wife is certainly beautiful, and she looks content and just as happy.

Lovino is surprised just a little when he realizes that he's happy for them. He's happy for them to be happy, he's happy they have a child. Most of all he's happy Antonio is happy.

Antonio sees him, he looks surprised as well. Lovino smiles, waves.

Antonio waves back. Then his wife is asking who Lovino is, and Lovino is gone. He's walking and practically dancing to his apartment. Laughter escapes from his lips as he twirls around. The sun looks brilliant up so high in the sky. Lovino's heart felt lighter.

He was going to laugh and maybe sing a little all the way back. Then he was going to burst into the apartment, Alfred was going to whine he ruined the surprised. Maybe Alfred had really been cooking. Lovino wasn't going to care about surprises being ruined. He was going to kiss Alfred on the mouth as enthusiastically as was possible.

Then he was going to say, "I love you"

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_


End file.
